Posted by: Shira Danin | October 26, 2009

Frustrated yet Optimistic

I didn’t want to write another post till I had a smidgen of optimism and a smile on my face. The smile is still a little wobbly but the optimism is peeking somewhere…deep in my thoughts.

I may have written the last post two days ago but it feels like it’s been a week.

The pain has been driving me a little crazy the past couple of days. (Crazier than normal obviously)

I spent the weekend with Tomer and when I’m with him I feel a little better (at least emotionally if not physically)

But it was still challenging.

On Saturday we had a Cousins’ meeting in my family. The cousins are all of my father’s generation and all their offspring came as well. Our family “Danin-Sochovolsky” was one of the first families that founded Tel Aviv and my dad’s uncle was the first son born in Tel Aviv.

The meeting/gathering took place in a park, so it wasn’t really a convenient location for me. My options were Standing, Sitting on small painful folding chairs or lie down on the placemats. None of which really helped me ease the pain.

I didn’t really feel like talking and explaining about the bandages and the pain. (I now wear elastic bandages on my wrists, elbows and knees whenever I leave the house or do anything physical in the house.) Actually I didn’t really feel like doing anything at all.

Maybe I lacked the urge to do anything because I was really tired (when we got home we took a 3 hour nap).

Another Frustration trigger: My fridge doesn’t refrigerate. Two bags of milk spoilt within a couple of days. It feels like the rest of the food is on the way to spoiling.

Since I switched between the two refrigerators (the landlord is storing an extra fridge at my house), the new one smells like mold or moss and now it doesn’t even work.

The thing is, after I switched between them last time the thought of doing it again makes me want to cry. I moved all the food from one to the other and switched places between them all by myself. I have no energy and the thought of doing it again makes sad.

It doesn’t seem fair that I’m stuck fighting a war with the fridge and the spoiling food and the Fibro.

Every time I have to do something that is way beyond what I am capable of it just makes me cry.

I’m starting to worry now that I won’t be able to go back to work, and I so want to…it really makes me want to cry.

And now for the positive, since I told myself I won’t write another post till I find something positive to write about:

Today I felt like I wanted to cry so I wrote Tomer about it.

He sent back an email that completely changed my state of mind and mood.

He reminded me of the life we are planning together, and the things each of us wants for the other.

I think I am just now realizing what a positive influence we are for each other.

I wonder how I coped before I met him.

Obviously my way of coping comes from me, but I always appreciated and depended on the support and help from my close circle of friends and family.

But having the option of talking about anything at any time with him, getting love and tenderness, support and encouragement, is priceless to me. I cannot find a way to explain how much it means to me.

Things accomplished today:

I registered for 4 courses this semester +a project – I hope it makes the next semester easier

I found a group for the final project in my Management degree.

I got my B12 shot in the butt for this month

And I even managed to work in a little fibro power walk…Good for me!

As you probably noticed, I like adding pictures to my post. Since I love India and find things there hilarious; here’s how they make sure no one bumps their head on the low threshold:

mind your head

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Responses

  1. Shira, all I can tell you, do not give up on you. Like you, I find this illness very frustrating, and I have been limited to some things, mostly physical. But I refuse not to move forward. In, 2008 I graduated from a Junior College and received 3 Associate of Arts in Human Services, Liberal Studies, Ethnic Studies. This pass May 2009 I graduated from the university and will receive my Bachelor of Science Degree (Human Services with emphasis in Counseling and Adminstration) early 2010. This process has taken me six years, with alot of Fibromyaglia flare -ups and other medical issues. I am 58yrs old Shira, please don’t give up, you will accomplish whatever you set your mind to do.

    From a friend who knows and understands what you are going through….maria

    • Hi Maria,
      Thank you for your comment. i am not going to give up.
      i have one year left for this degree and i will get it done.
      This Fibro fun is something we have to live with forever as it seems.
      it just slows us down…darn flare ups…
      how long have you had your fibro?

  2. “Mind Your Head.” That is a great sign and reminder for so many things in life. I am happy to have found your blog today. Thank you for your link to mine.

    I have been living with FM for 13 years. During that period I managed to work and complete my degree. I admire you so much for doing the same because it can be very challenging. It is great that you have someone to support and encourage you. Nurture that relationship.

    Happy to be connected with you now. My best to you!

  3. I can so relate! LIFE!
    Feeling wiped out so Im going to nap or just veg with my daughter & watch a movie!


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