Posted by: Shira Danin | June 9, 2010

Poker – What hand were you dealt?

Written by Tomer Inbar, My boyfriend

Let’s put the cards on the table.

Many of you are wondering, why would the partner of a Fibro patient, who knows about the illness ahead of time (thank you Shira for the honesty) will stay with his partner?

I have to say it hasn’t crossed my mind at all, until I was asked about it. The questions came from people who weren’t knowledgeable of the dynamics between me and Shira (people from my work place etc.) So I have to say, it will be enough for those people to see Shira and I together for a short while, and the answer will be clear.

Few are the girls who could make me laugh (this isn’t said with a chauvinistic note, but what can I do, guys are funnier than girls) and Shira definitely “tops them all”. The skeptic of you will say – “you can’t build a relationship with Humor”. My answer is it one of many sides in Shira that makes her illness transparent to me, I cannot think of a more loving, caring, with values  and morals, honest and dependable than my Shira.

Here of course, I have to give the credit to her parents who did quite a good job 🙂

So my answer to the doubtists, and pessimistic – for me Fibro is part of Shira, and part of both of our lives. I accept that, and despite my previous post, when I asked many questions – I also have many answers.

I have no doubt that things will only get better, and we have many smiles ahead!

And on this positive note, I will tell you about myself, that in a few days I will take the last test in my degree. In light of the fact that I’m the son of a Polish mother, I had to choose between a pilot, a lawyer, a doctor or an engineer. So I became an engineer, and finally, along with my brother and sister I gave her some satisfaction, and she can “sit in a dark room alone” but with a smile 🙂



  1. I think she’s got a treasure there, in you! It’s so awesome that you can see through that hazy curtain of pain and see the real person in there. That’s not just everyone, you know.

    No one gets out of this life without getting some crap thrown at them!

    Treasure each other!

  2. Tomer,

    You may not be able to build a relationship on humor alone, but it makes a darn good foundation. My husband also got full disclosure when we met, but I STILL don’t understand why he stays and puts up with all the crap (8 years last month.) As manahoa said, it’s not everyone who can see past all the disadvantages of a partner with chronic illness, and even fewer can actually deal with it for any length of time. Congratulations, and good luck to both of you in the future.


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